Being Kinder to Yourself: A Process
By Anushay Babar
The importance of being kind to yourself is often not emphasized enough. We’re willing to go the extra mile for a friend, offering genuine advice, lending a helping hand, a shoulder for when times get rough, and the reassurance that everything will eventually work out. A pat on the back, we’re good friends. But for some reason, that kindness is not extended to the person who needs it the most- yourself.
When times get challenging, we become our worst critic and resort to cynicism. It takes away from being more compassionate with ourselves. It is imperative to stop defining oneself or one’s self-worth through your achievements or any other material thing. You have to learn and truly believe that no matter the failure, you’ll still have you, and you like yourself. This narrative does something interesting- it makes the fear of failure less daunting. We become more willing to take risks, to try something new, to explore a newfound curiosity- it encourages us to become more confident. Start with this: if your friend was experiencing or feeling the way you are, what would you say to them? Because it’s important to realize: you are your friend, too.
There are multiple ways you can go about nurturing this feeling. Start by taking care of yourself- try waking up early, eating healthier, and maybe go for a nice walk. Acknowledge your strengths and forgive yourself for the days you don’t. If you feel negative emotions coming up, sit with them, and then let them pass. We often belittle our own struggles in the wake of someone else’s or are quick to compare to seek clarity. What you must remember is that struggle doesn’t define a person, resilience does.
There’s no denying that in the process, there may be multiple hurdles that come your way. As we begin to draw boundaries, highlighting the treatment that we deserve to give to ourselves and the kind that is unacceptable from others, guilt may surface, or perhaps the fear of your plight being perceived as an exaggeration. Think deeply and think thoughtfully. Give yourself the advice that you would give to a friend and reflect on whether you would want your friend to be in the constant presence of someone who often makes them feel insecure, uncomfortable, or unsafe.
Reach out to the people who do make you feel better about yourself, and who add positivity to your day. Be comfortable looking for external help, even: approach a therapist or counsellor, because we often don’t know how badly we need help and how empowering it is to be able to identify it. A relatively recent venture on social media that goes by the name of Project Yaqeen is involved in offering therapy to people in a more accessible and affordable manner, along with group therapy circles- such as trauma circles and anxiety circles.
Personally, I struggled with a lot of negative self-talk, which eventually manifested itself in the form of social anxiety. Often times I would criticize myself every time I stood on the weighing scale- cynical about times I felt I was too overweight or too underweight, about not looking like the version of myself that was stuck in my head, other times feeling that I was not intelligent enough when I faced difficulty at school, and overthinking other such insecurities to the point that social interaction became intimidating and the anxiety led to further health problems that could no longer be avoided. I learned something during this time, letting those thoughts get in the way of normal day to day life was a problem and it had to be recognized and acknowledged as one. There was a name for it. There had to be a solution for it. As I began talking about this to a professional, and eventually to friends and family, there was a palpable difference- like I could breathe easier. As I reassured others of themselves, I reassured myself too. We often don’t realize how deeply the smallest positive interaction could mean to someone. An important lesson: be kind to yourself and be kind to others.
https://www.instagram.com/projectyaqeen/?hl=en (Project Yaqeen)
